According to the writings of Thomas Jefferson’s daughter (another Martha), Jefferson sang to himself while he worked. When I learned this I thought immediately of Girlfriend. We live in a big (for two people) house and often are working in different rooms. But wherever I am, I get a sense of peace and love when I hear her humming to herself in the next room. I’ve never lived with someone who did that. Oh, my first husband used to sing Ernest Tubb songs when he was drunk—but that that’s a totally different thing. With Girlfriend, if I comment on her music she stops. So I’ve learned to simply keep quiet and enjoy.

Like anyone she can be difficult at times. For instance, last night when she tried to blame me for the furnace malfunction. The thing worked all day just fine, but ten minutes before she was due to come home I noticed that the house was really cold. So I reset the breaker (which for some reason got it started again although the breaker hadn’t been thrown). This had happened the night before, and she told me if it messed up again to call the repairman. But it didn’t mess up—that is until late. So when she came in the furnace had failed and I hadn’t called the repairman. She was angry with me. She had it in her mind that I had deliberately waited until it was too late to make a repair call. Nothing I said would convince her of the truth. I suppose she based her conclusion on the knowledge that I don’t like dealing with repairmen.

Actually Girlfriend is like Thomas Jefferson in a lot of ways. She is very creative and is always thinking about how to use a piece of this or that (what I call junk) to make something beautiful. In fact, I discovered quite by accident years ago that she goes through what I throw away and pulls things out. If I want something truly gone, I have to pitch it behind her back.

She also is the political mind between us. She reads the newspaper for hours. I hit the sports page, the comics, Dear Abby, and police beat. But Girlfriend reads it all. She told me that George Bush was AWOL from the military long before anyone made an issue of it. When our neighbor sold her house, Girlfriend told me how much the woman got for it. She said that it was in the paper. I’ve sure never seen that part of the paper. Last night Jay Leno said that Dennis Hastert had been elected Speaker of the House. Thinking I was finally ahead of Girlfriend on something political, I asked her what state he was from and what party he belonged to. When she told me the answer, she asked why I wanted to know. I told her he was elected Speaker of the House. She said, "Good grief, that was the 4th time." By the way he’s from Illinois—republican. I guess that’s what you get for relying on Jay Leno for the news.

Girlfriend and I are different in a lot of ways. But like old married couples, between us we are pretty high functioning. Just about everything one would need to survive in our culture—and a few things that are totally unnecessary—one or the other of us has a talent for. There are two things that I remember my parents telling me when I was a child that turned out to be dead on accurate. My dad said, "You never get something for nothing," and my Mom told me that, "Love is being comfortable with someone." For a long time I thought love was that chill up my spine during a toe-curling orgasm. I thought it was when my heart raced as she walked into the room. I thought it was about wanting to be next to her every minute of the day and night. But it turns out mom was right. Love is the peaceful feeling I have when we sit across from each other over dinner, not talking. Love is knowing what will happen when I throw away an empty coffee can. And love is the magic feeling I have when I am at the other end of the house and I hear her humming to herself. Now, how do you put that into a Valentine?

If you want to read more about lesbians loving or trying to love - check our Martha Miller’s book, Skin to Skin: Erotic Lesbian Love Stories, like her other books (Nine Nights on the Windy Tree and Dispatch to Death) it is available from New Victoria publishers www.newvictoria.com, at Sundance Book Store, Barnes & Nobles, and of course Amazon.com.